she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
