Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
