It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I think a kid would responsible me up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
