glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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