i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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