he wants to bone in the snuggie
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
