we have officially lost it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
