there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
