no. you can't hotbox the world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
