I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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