Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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