can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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