I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
