Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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