We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
