i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
