This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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