So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
