This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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