Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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