"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
