My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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