I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
