I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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