she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
