Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
