so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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