They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
