I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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