speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
