never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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