there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
