Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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