I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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