i need an iv and a liver transplant
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
