i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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