Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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