DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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