What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
