my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
