I puked a lego.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
50% drunk capacity currently
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
