That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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