when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
