You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
