literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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