I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
