she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
