I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No more Irish car bombs ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
