Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
