She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
